I cockslap morals
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want her autograph on my taint
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
