One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
