I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
