bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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