You can't special order awesome
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
