Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize