when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
