carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
be right there i have to get my cape
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
