all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
