y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
