is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
