Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize