Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
