apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
