My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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