theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
