my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
