whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
