the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
