:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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