I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
