last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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