dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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