proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
