Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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