Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize