Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
