Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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