ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
