I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
