guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
