you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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