some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
try to milk me bitch
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