I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
