they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize