I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
