worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
