dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
