All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
