There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
