I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
