I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
