How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
