i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize