like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
