I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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