So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Text me some of your sweat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
