I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
