i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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