Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
