Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
