Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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