wat bout pragnant strippers??
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
