first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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