got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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