i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
