you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
