i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
