Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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