dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
