I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize