i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
