I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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