its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
