The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
