Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
