no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize