i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
