Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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