Apparently you make a good broom.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We are two peas in an std pod
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
