I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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