And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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