LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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