I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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