if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
