Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize