next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
