I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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