i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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