2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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