If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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