Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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