Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
