you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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