Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
