Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
