I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
