Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
