If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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