The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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