Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
