Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
