Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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