Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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