porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
