The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
