My room smells like vodka and shame
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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