He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
