He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
