Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
