why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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