there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
