Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
