Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
