Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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