Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
