Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
